i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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