Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
