my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
