They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
