I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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