she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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