apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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