I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
