I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
