I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
