i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
