dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
