Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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