I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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