So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
