and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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