Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
