he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
