you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
