It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
