I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
