I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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