well you can't waste a boner
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Randomize
