walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
