So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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