I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
