I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
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