I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
