Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
