and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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