we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
