Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
