Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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