I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
