"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
