Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
