What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
