Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
