More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
