is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
