Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
