I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
