I CAN MOONWALK!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
