"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Randomize
