you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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