He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
