you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Randomize
