Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Randomize
