forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
