I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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