I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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