The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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