he puts the penis in happiness.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
