he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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