I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
