Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
